And Terry Wogan just stands a pretty good chance of directing everyone to the quaint Cornish town of Helston, which provided him with a hit record many moons ago.

Altogether in the Floral Dance then?

Pharrell Williams has become one of the faces in a new Microsoft Windows UK advertising campaign, going some way to replacing the less cool Jerry Seinfeld across the pond. 

The uber-cool music producing, model dating, skateboarding fashion designer has a longish standing relationship with Microsoft. Pharrell helped Bill Gates launch the Xbox 360's Halo 3 game in the UK last year and now he and his band NERD feature in the latest slice of Microsoft's marketing onslaught - the "Life without Walls" campaign.

In the advert, Pharrell, who presumably doesn't conform to technological fashion trends asserts, "I'm a PC, just like BG" - we expect that Big Daddy Bill appreciated the effort at rapping. 

Deepak Chopra, the noted author is also in the campaign. Chopra tells us that he is a human being, not a human doing, or, we assume, a human waiting for something to restart, in his five seconds of Microsoft fame.

Also in the UK we lucky Windows users get the opportunity to contribute to the campaign. A join-in button lets you see a number of other lucky punters share their experiences while also encouraging you to send in your own message to the site. As well as this, we are advised to go on the look out for a magical mystery tour bus that Microsoft is wheeling around the country. Inside the bus are videopods in which you are encouraged to voice your messages and opinions about the software.

The envelope-pushing advertising agency behind the campaign said that it is designed to help people express their positive experiences of using Windows, so please don't throw yourself in front of the vehicle when it is moving. No matter how tempting that might be. 

Over in Japan they've solved the problem through a superior service culture - although it'll cost you extra, no one would begrudge paying more to secure a two-hour window for delivery. Over here you're lucky if you get to specify am or pm. And so industry body the IMRG had the great idea last year of launching its Internet Delivery is Safe initiative.

Quite simply it's a kitemark given to retailers who can tick certain boxes in the delivery space - things like offering clear delivery information, guaranteeing delivery within specified times and generally providing a convenient and reliable service. Until now though, I've not shopped online with anyone with the symbol on their site, unfortunately, and suffered the same old waiting around for a delivery which doesn't come in the specified 6 hour time period.

Well, having just purchased a bed from the web site of the Co-operative, it's time to put it to the test, and so far so good. A few days after buying - during which time I was able to specify Saturday delivery at no extra cost - I received a phone call checking all contact details and confirming delivery. An email soon followed to confirm a three hour slot on Saturday. All at no extra cost. Fingers crossed I can actually fit the bed through the door.

If you are one of those individuals that regrets writing a drunken email to a woman you fancy or a married ex-girlfriend, Google can ensure this will never happen again.

A new Google Labs solution called Mail Goggles is intended to save you from yourself.

When Mail Goggles is enabled, it will check whether you are in the right frame of mind to send emails by testing your maths after you click send but before the email goes.

"Hopefully Mail Goggles will prevent many of you out there from sending messages you wish you hadn't. Like that late night memo -- I mean mission statement -- to the entire firm," Gmail engineer Jon Perlow said in the Gmail blog.  

Some political supporters might favour the good old-fashioned sign in the front garden approach, or a pin badge or rally.

But for someone who is very with the programme, such as US Democrat candidate Barack Obama, that's all old hat. This week, Obama and his campaigners launched an application for iPhones that lets you "organise your personal contacts and ask them to 'get out and vote'."

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Supporters are also told they can call their friends - surely a staple of the iPhone?; make notes on which ones they have bothered with their tiresome reminders of the right to vote; and thanks to GPS, find their way to the nearest campaign office. 

Other features include up-to-date news, videos and photos. And yeah, lets mention it again. This is all done on the iPhone.

In a country, indeed century, not known for its high turnouts at elections any push here is to be applauded.  But an iPhone application?

This could be just the start of campaign teams adopting populist platforms to gather support, and perhaps the ideas will soon trickle through to UK party leaders. Will David Cameron throw his weight behind a Wii game in which points - or votes - are scored with the flick of a wrist? Will Gordon Brown marry and divorce Britney Spears? Will Nick Clegg fall out of a taxi with Amy Winehouse? 

Or will the entire democratic process be judged on juggling abilities, and decided on by Simon Cowell.

Time will tell.

Yeah, ever! In your face Blair! And you Fern, and your gastric band!

More women (well, six anyway) cited Maggie than any other leader, but dotted around the voting audience were some other niche faves.

Boris Johnson got a couple of votes. The mysterious 'Clinton' - we like to think they meant George - had one. The Queen was in there, because, "She is a great leader and a wonderful mother. Her power is in her big smile and beautiful spirit."

Nelson Mandela had a few, but we liked the caveat in the one that added, "in spite of his womanising traits".

Lord Buddha will be pleased to know that he is in there, "not as a religious figure, but as a great leader". Chairman Mao can take some solace from all those bothersome genocide accusations with this plaudit: "He led the red army and changed a country."

And finally, and perhaps most importantly, TV fashion guru Gok Wan - a dream leader because "he wants others to feel good about themselves".

Author: David Neal

Perhaps the most interesting about Google's tenth birthday is the launch of a timeline and associated web sites that the online giant has released. Not only does it cover its history but it also shows you how great the company is and how happy all the staff are.

Did you know that they once bought a load of silly putty? That there is a T-rex on campus, or that the firm randomly gives out bicycles to its staff? You do now.

Does that make you happy? Or does it make you feel like the kid at the party that the magician didn't want anything to do with?

Never mind, you can participate in the celebrations in some way. Google has launched a competition that will help its users save the planet or something. No prize money is involved directly, but it might go some way to helping you find a place in heaven. If you believe in that sort of thing.

We would have been happy with a slice of cake, but you can't have everything.

Author: David Neal

"According to the survey, reaction times for those engaged in texting deteriorated by 35 per cent - worse than alcohol at the legal limit (12 per cent slower) and driving under the influence of cannabis (21 per cent slower). Steering control and the ability to maintain a safe following distance were also worse."
 
Given that the individuals tested  were all between 17 and 24, it's no wonder that they were so excited about texting.

Drink, drugs, free arcade simulators? I'm txtng mi m8s!

Author: David Neal

Another high profile Bill Gates meets Jerry Seinfeld advertisement has launched. Like the first, it makes for a pretty good one-time view, but again like the first, it doesn't really say much. 

The ads are the start of a long campaign, and if this is the case, they really have to start saying something about what they are all about soon. I know Seinfeld was famously the show about nothing, but an ad that says nothing about a product that people don't really care about getting the most out of, could just turn into a nothing ad.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how excited you get about corporate marketing materials, I've taken on the task of reading the official line on the adverts from Brad Brooks, corporate vice president for Windows Consumer Product Marketing. Although Brad does have a lot to say, it makes for some slightly confusing reading and isn't exciting thrilling.

"When you think of more than a billion people using Windows across the globe, each person with a unique set of circumstances, and then factor in three Windows platforms and what they can do, it's hard to even comprehend the number of unique scenarios Windows can potentially address," enthuses Brooks. "Today customers see inconsistent buying scenarios, and often end up with PCs or devices that aren't ideally suited to what they want from Windows. And the company hasn't always provided enough information for people to understand the functionality they need, and how to get there. We need to help our customers keep pace."

"Inconsistent buying scenarios"? Unique scenarios that Microsoft can address - potentially? It hardly sets the consumer tongue wagging, does it?

It's a no brainer - to use the vernacular of the watercooler - that the introduction of Seinfeld, and the placing of Gates in a number of increasingly quirky situations will get people talking, writing and blogging. But, will this be the downfall of the ads? Won't they just be forgotten eventually - or sooner even? And more importantly it's still unclear how the ads will encourage people to learn more about and do more with their Microsoft tools and devices?

But at least we have learnt that it's probably a good thing that the Seinfeld series finished when it did, before Gates got a chance for a guest role, and possibly more importantly, that Bill Gates wears shoes, cannot do the robot, and runs effeminately.

Author: David Neal

Seinfeld, who is wandering along eating a foodstuff that comes on a stick, goes into the store and after a short introduction, him and Bill set about finding a pair of shoes together. Are we genuinely supposed to believe that they have never met? That two of the world's richest people have never got together to chuck bundles of cash at each other while giggling? Are we?

But this is just the tip of the iceberg. As any Seinfeld fan knows, Jerry lives in sneakers. In fact throughout all of the Seinfeld series he poked his matchstick thin legs deep into a  pair of shiny white ones so often that he looked like a man who had just stepped out of some deep snow while wearing boots specially designed to pick up snow. Further proof of his desire to be trainer-clad comes from the fact that in the advert, he appears to be wearing a pair of white foam bananas while out shopping.

While flexing a pair of sensible looking brown loafers, Seinfeld goes on to claim to wear his shoes in the shower. Any fan would disagree with this. We know for a fact that George's dad wears sneakers in swimming pools, but Seinfeld himself?

And equally important, if Bill is looking for a post-Microsoft career, he has no future as a replacement George.

Kramer, maybe.

Author: David Neal